Its got me addicted

I can't do anything without going to the full limit, Until i have to finally take a step back...
Like sex for instance, did'nt just have sex, did anal.
Don't just go gym, go nearly everyday.
Wanted to be skinny, ended up bulimic.
Started drinking, drank loads.

I have a WELL addictive personality which is kinda scary. Im gunna be trying alot of things throughout my life and not all of its gunna be something i should get addicted too.

That's why i reckon i got so heartbroken, i was addicted to the routine and the un-knowingness of what was going to happen.I was excited and stunned. I tryed to hard not to fall that i ended up falling harder than i thought.

Also, in contrast to my normal, happy, head strong self. Heartbreak turns me into a self destructive bulimic head case! Which i can't even begin to understand because i don't even remember ever thinking i really HAD to have someone. I do think love is a drug. Love is'nt logical. Saying that, its not as if im the love struct type. I think i crave anything thats taken away from me or unobtainable, which in a way is just human instinct really. People want what they can't have. And sometimes, when you get it, you simply don't crave it anymore. I have a small insight to why i might of fell so hard, but being under the influence like that was beyond what i thought i was capable of ever feeling.

I think love is a very shallow concept. Although at the time it feels the opposite. I do think there's a step by step how-to guide to making someone fall in love with you. For men that is. whether they've used it conciously or unconciously. It's defenitly been used on me. The fact that is works is the most shocking thing too!

I hate how love makes me re-evaluate myself. I started to critisise myself and labelled myself as one of them needy, insecure girls i hate. I turnt into everything i never wanted to be. And that is why its not worth it. I was'nt built for relationships and i certainly was'nt built for heartbreak!
I'd rather keep my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders!

Thankfully after recovering from what seemed to be withdrawal symtons/heartbreak whatever you wanna call it. I discoverd that i am strong and resilent. I got through it and came out on top, literally! ;)
Some people may disagree with what iv'e done, i know i do at times. But I'm very happy and my hearts not on the line anymore. So whats the harm?